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Turning In: Internal Motivation and Sensory Regulation in Neurodivergent Learners
September 2025 | Executive Function
Ever feel like your child just doesn’t care about learning?
Maybe they’re easily distracted, constantly moving, or flat-out refusing to start a task and you find yourself wondering, “Why won’t they just try?”
You’re not alone. Many homeschooling parents have been right where you are, feeling frustrated, tired, and maybe even doubting if they’re doing something wrong. But here’s the thing ... what looks like laziness or defiance on the outside often has a much deeper root.
What if your child’s struggles aren’t about a lack of discipline at all?
What if they’re tied to the way their brain processes the world—how they experience their senses, manage energy, and self-direct?
For many neurodivergent learners, whether autistic, ADHD, sensory processing challenges, or other learning differences, internal motivation and sensory regulation are deeply connected. When one is off balance, the other often follows. The more we understand this connection, the better equipped we are to help our children grow into empowered, self-directed learners who want to take the lead in their own education.
You’re not failing ... you’re learning, adapting, and showing up. And that matters more than you know.
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Internal Motivation: The Missing Piece You Might Overlook
Internal motivation comes from within. It's the natural drive to explore, solve problems, and engage in meaningful work without external rewards. Neurodivergent learners are often highly motivated by personal interests, deep passions, or curiosity, but may appear unmotivated when demands don't align with their nervous system or sense of purpose.
The Role of Sensory Regulation
Let’s be honest—we all get overwhelmed sometimes. As adults, we’ve simply had years to figure out what helps us cope. Sensory regulation refers to how the body responds to sensory input: sights, sounds, textures, smells, movement, and more. When a learner is dysregulated (over- or under-responsive to input), the brain shifts into survival mode.
How do you or any other adult regulate? Maybe you tap a pencil during a long meeting to stay alert. Or you chew gum on an airplane so your ears don’t pop. Or you slip your shoes off under your desk to relieve pressure on your feet. These are all little ways you self-regulate, often without even thinking about it.
Now, imagine trying to get through your day without any of those tools.
That’s the reality for many learners, especially neurodivergent ones.
When they’re overwhelmed, they don’t yet have a mental “toolbox” of appropriate strategies. So instead, you might see behaviors that look like:
An emotional outburst when a room feels too loud or busy
Aggression toward a sibling because their body is seeking intense movement or pressure
Refusal to start tasks that seem too simple, or because the sound of the pencil on the paper is too irritating
Zoning out because their brain is overloaded and needs to shut down to recover
Hyperfocus on one topic while avoiding others
Difficulty transitioning between tasks or settings
From the outside, these behaviors may appear to be laziness, defiance, or a lack of willingness to follow instructions. But in reality, your child may be doing the only thing they know to try and regulate their sensory system.
When we understand this, we can shift from thinking “They won’t do the work” to “They can’t do the work right now—something’s getting in the way.”
❝ Despite the best of intentions, micromanaging actually exacerbates a child's motivation problems.
How Micromanaging Makes It Worse
When parents notice underperformance, the natural instinct is to lean in, closely monitoring assignments, checking progress, and offering (or insisting on) reminders.
But here's the truth: Micromanaging, though well-intentioned, can backfire. Micromanaging can actually exacerbate your child's, especially if a teen, motivation problems.
Let's think about what providing support looks like from the learner's lens. Support or micromanaging can:
Undermine the learner’s sense of autonomy
Increase anxiety and stress
Diminish internal motivation by making tasks feel externally controlled
Create a dynamic of power struggle, especially in teens seeking independence
Instead of growing responsibility, micromanaging can stunt it—especially if the learner already feels overwhelmed by sensory input or executive functioning demands. A better approach is to provide tools that nurture independence and self-drive. Checking out the Internal Motivation Strategy Guide can give you practical, parent-friendly strategies to shift from micromanaging to empowering your child: building ownership, confidence, and genuine motivation to learn.
Strategies Supporting Motivation: Sensory-Aware Activities
Start with Co-Regulation
Before expecting motivation, ask: Is my child regulated? Meet them where they are with calming input (like deep pressure, movement breaks, or a quiet space). Over time, this builds the capacity for self-regulation.
💡 Try this: Create a “Regulation Menu” together with your child, include preferred tools like headphones, weighted items, chewy jewelry, or access to a quiet room.
Resource: Zone of Regulation Strategies
Use Interest-Based Learning
Motivation blooms when a learner feels connected to the topic. Offer choices within your curriculum or allow time each week for passion projects or "curiosity hour."
💡 Try this: Select a topic of interest to your child/teen and use that theme with math problems, writing prompts, or even science investigations.
Shift from Control to Collaboration
Move from “Do this now” to “Let’s make a plan together.” Collaborative problem-solving invites buy-in and increases self-motivation.
💡 Try this: Use phrases like, “What do you think would help you get started?” or “Which part do you want to tackle first?”
Support Executive Functioning, Not Just Academics
Motivation often fails when tasks feel too overwhelming to even begin. Break tasks into manageable chunks, provide visual reminders, and allow time to build momentum.
💡 Try this: Use visual checklists or timers. Allow your child to complete tasks in bursts with built-in sensory breaks.
Resource: EFM Executive Function Toolkit
Model and Encourage Autonomy
Celebrate small wins in self-direction. Let your learner see you struggling, regrouping, and persevering too. Normalize the process.
💡 Try this: Create a “Did It!” wall where your child adds sticky notes of completed tasks, no matter how small.
A Final Word to Parents and Caregivers
If your neurodivergent child struggles with motivation, you are not failing, and neither are they. Their brains simply require a different kind of support, one that honors both regulation and autonomy.
By tuning into sensory needs, shifting your role from manager to guide, and creating a safe space for self-discovery, you lay the foundation for lasting motivation. It's like going from the driver to the passenger. Relax and enjoy the ride.
You've got this!
__________
If you both aren't ending the day feeling connected, the work isn't done yet!
_________
LOOKING FOR ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
This is not intended to be an exhaustive list, but it includes our top picks to get you started.
There are several great resources to find free homeschooling curricula across different subjects and grade levels. Here are some excellent resources:
Books
The Explosive Child by Ross Greene- a compassionate, evidence-based approach for understanding and supporting children who respond to everyday frustration with intense outbursts, teaching families how to replace discipline with empathy, problem-solving, and skill building
Uniquely Human by Barry Prizant - shows parents and educators how to understand behaviors as communication and build meaningful connections that honor each individual’s humanity
Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson & Richard Guare – a roadmap that helps parents identify and strengthen their child's executive function skills for practical strategies tailored for real-life routines.
Websites
ADDititude Magazine - resource offering practical strategies, expert advice, and personal stories for individuals and families living with ADHD, learning differences, and related conditions.
Understood.org - Provides resources, advice, and community support to help parents, educators, and individuals better understand and support learning and thinking of students with learning differences.
Tools
EFM Executive Function Toolkit – A hands-on toolkit filled with actionable strategies designed to boost executive function skills and support student success in everyday learning.
Let your learner know: They are not broken, they’re wired differently, and that wiring holds incredible potential. With your support, they can discover what motivates them from the inside out.
Need personalized support for your unique child?
Contact us and learn about our Neurodivergent Coaching. Together, we can explore the next steps and create a plan tailored to your child’s strengths and needs
Are you looking for more community to support your homeschool journey? Consider joining our Facebook group. Connect with like-minded educators, gain encouragement, and access valuable resources—all to help the next generation thrive!
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